Understanding Selective Hearing: Definition, Causes, and Solutions
It's not uncommon for people to not recognize the signs of hearing loss. Selective hearing is a term some people use that refers to another person's lack of responding to them, not because of hearing loss but because they don't want to respond or they are focused on something else. When your spouse doesn't answer your questions or hears you calling from the basement, are they choosing not to respond, or is it something else?
You’re probably familiar with the phrase “selective hearing” in reference to people only hearing what they want to hear. While it’s often used in a joking sense, selective hearing is an experience that researchers are only just starting to understand. Most of us think about selective hearing as hearing only what we want or choose to hear. Or hearing only what is important to us. Another definition is the ability to focus our attention in order to listen. This focused listening is complex.
Are They Just Tuning You Out?
If you've ever had a teenager or a two-year-old, you know what tuning out means. They may hear you talking, but they are not paying attention to what you are saying. They are not listening. "They hear what they want to hear." "They conveniently are not listening to you."
The same concept could be applied to your spouse or another adult you know. It's frustrating when you're saying something important, but they are not responding to it. In some situations, this lack of hearing and responding to you could indicate hearing loss. For many people, hearing loss starts slowly and worsens over time. It’s easy to believe that someone is just not paying attention or even choosing not to listen. If you notice significant changes in your spouse’s communication patterns, even if they do not recognize the problem themselves, that could indicate a larger problem with hearing loss.
Selective hearing is the ability to listen to a single speaker while in a crowded or loud environment. You might also hear it referred to as “selective auditory attention” or the “cocktail party effect.”
Factors Influencing Selective Hearing
Selective hearing involves many factors, including your goals, vision, and brain activity patterns.Goals
Your brain chooses what to listen to based on what you’re trying to do. For example, imagine that someone started talking to you while you were trying to finish watching an episode of a TV show. Chances are good that you didn’t hear much of what they said to you. Your brain prioritized the sound of the TV over that person’s voice because your goal was to finish watching the show.
A 2008 study put this concept to the test by asking participants to pay attention to sounds in one ear but not in the other. The investigators then played different pitches in each ear at the same time and asked the participants to note any changes in pitch in the ear they were asked to focus on.
MRI scans of the participants’ brains showed that they heard the sounds in each ear. However, when they were detecting changes in the specified ear, they ignored the sound in the other ear.
Vision
Visual cues are also an important part of selective hearing.
For example, a 2013 study involved playing audio of a man and woman talking at the same time. Participants were asked to pay attention to either the female or the male speaker. They had a much easier time focusing on only the male or the female voice when watching a video of the speakers along with the audio.
Based on these results, being able to see someone while they’re talking might help you listen more effectively.
Brain Activity
A 2012 study found that the presentation of sounds within your brain doesn’t reflect all of the sounds in your environment but, rather, what you want or need to hear. These results are similar to those of the 2008 study discussed above.
However, the investigators also found that they could use the patterns of brain activity they observed to predict which speaker or words someone was listening to.
Investigators used about 90 electrodes per person to monitor the brain activity of people undergoing surgery for epilepsy. Participants were asked to listen to two different samples of speech at the same time. Each sample contained a different speaker and phrase. They were then asked to pick out which words were said by one of the two speakers.
Using information about brain activity patterns from the electrodes as well as a decoding process, the investigators reconstructed what the participants heard. The brain activity patterns suggested that the participants only paid attention to the speaker they were asked to focus on.
In addition, the investigators were able to use these brain activity patterns to predict which speaker the participant listened to and determine whether they paid attention to the wrong speaker at any point.
Common Signs of Hearing Loss
How do you know when your spouse or other loved one is suffering from hearing loss? If you are sitting around the table with friends, but they are not speaking as often as they used to, how do you know that’s a hearing problem and not just a lack of interest?
There’s no real way to know what’s happening until a comprehensive hearing test happens. There are some common signs that it may be time for you to reach out for one.
The TV Volume Challenge
Do you always have to turn the TV's volume down? Perhaps they turn it up increasingly throughout the evening as you are watching together. You may not think the TV volume needs to go up, or there may not be much other sound in the home while they are watching TV. Sometimes people may say, "Why do they make the music so loud?" Other times the background noise on the TV show seems distracting.
"What Did You Say?"
Another indication of hearing loss occurs when a person asks people often to repeat information. I may ask you numerous times a day about what you said. It may seem like they are just not paying attention to you, and that is frustrating. You may even believe your loved one doesn't care enough to listen. Also, notice if they do this with other people. Do they ask other people to repeat themselves often?
Do They Just Say Yes or No?
Sometimes, people recognize their hearing is becoming more challenging, but they don't bring it up. They don't want to ask you to repeat yourself numerous times, so they just say yes or no even though they haven't really heard the question. If you ask an open-ended question, such as about an opinion or what they want for dinner, and they say yes or no rather than providing an answer, that could mean they were unable to hear you.
Are Phone Conversations Difficult?
Many people begin to struggle with hearing loss and notice it when they cannot talk on the phone well. Sometimes they blame the phone for being hard to hear, or they may believe the other person on the line is not speaking into the phone. No matter what the reasoning is, when phone conversations with more than one person start to become difficult, that's an indication of a larger problem that needs attention.
Withdrawing from Social Activities and Conversations
Those with hearing loss often begin removing themselves from conversations. They may no longer engage as often with friends or family. They seem withdrawn and quiet. This happens whether they know they are struggling with hearing loss or even when they do not. Sometimes they are embarrassed to have to ask for information to be repeated. Other times, they simply don’t engage in busy environments because they know it’s too hard to hear. Have you noticed your loved one just not participating like they used to or having other behavior changes related to social activities or interactions with other people?
They Seem Exhausted After Socializing
What happens after dinner with friends in a busy restaurant? Does your loved one simply come home and want to be alone? Do they feel like they are very tired after such socialization opportunities? There is no doubt that being unable to hear well and constantly straining to be able to hear others is exhausting. It's not always easy to put these things together, but try to pay attention to how your loved one acts after these types of social situations that are specifically new to them.
If you’re unsure if your loved one does these things often or just once in a while, take the next few days to track these instances. How often are they not paying attention to the conversation? Remember, a person with hearing loss has no control over it and probably did nothing to cause it. They need compassion in these situations.
The Link Between Hearing Loss and Dementia
The link between dementia and hearing loss has been well researched. The research indicates that a mild hearing loss has been linked to a 1.8x greater risk of developing dementia, a moderate hearing loss has a 3.9x greater risk and a severe loss has a 5x greater risk of developing dementia.
Making the Decision to Get a Hearing Test
If you've noticed these types of changes and want them to get help, the first step is to have a hearing test. It's very common for people to pull back. They may even say they are stressed or not interested in talking anymore. Sometimes they are so reluctant they may work hard to make it seem like they can hear just fine, aiming to prove you wrong.
This is a difficult topic for many. Some also find it challenging to admit they need hearing help because they are worried about their self-image or the costs of hearing aids. These are valid concerns, but not being able to hear will significantly impact their quality of life. On average, a person will wait 7 years before they visit a hearing specialist even if they know they are having some level of hearing loss. Talk about the benefits of treatment with your loved one. Getting back to the things they love. It could be watching TV, interacting with friends, or enjoying hobbies again. Make sure your loved one sees how hearing aids could help them enjoy life again.
Recognize the risks to mental health. A person with hearing loss that does not seek treatment is at a higher risk of developing depression and dementia. This occurs because they are unable to take in the world around them as they did. It impacts brain cognition, not just mental health. They could see relationships improve. Hearing loss can create significant rifts in a person's relationships, whether it's a family member who doesn't understand or a friendship they no longer connect with. A hearing aid may help them to get back to it again. It could get worse. If hearing loss isn’t treated, it can worsen significantly. Early detection may enable a person to get treatment that can slow the decline or at least help to meet that decline with additional treatment. It’s unsafe. Explain how important it is that they can hear you. What if you need help? What if it worsens and they cannot drive any longer? What if they cannot talk on the phone again? Provide a supportive level of conversation for your loved one.
Hearing loss is devastating, and it is often easier not to talk about or admit what's occurring - and even be blamed for having selective hearing - than it is to recognize the real problem in front of them.
Can Hearing Loss Be Treated?
A common question many experiencing the first stages of hearing loss have is this one. “Is there anything that can be done anyway?” Some people believe that this is just part of life and something they have to deal with as they get older. There are highly effective treatment options for most people. That's especially true in situations where a person's hearing is getting worse over time. While hearing aids may seem hard to use and embarrassing, today's products are highly effective and less likely to be noticed in a person's ear. More so, attitudes and perspectives on the use of hearing aids have changed. Since they are more readily acceptable, more people have them.
Keep in mind that many specialized products are available today to help a person hear better. Without a doubt, it is necessary to have a hearing test and a professional fitting for a hearing aid based on the type of losses your spouse is experiencing. Don't put off having that hearing screening done.
How to Improve Listening Skills
While the recent research surrounding selective hearing is interesting, it also has several real-world applications. Knowing this information could be crucial for developing new treatments. Some people seek out treatment for selective hearing. However, it’s a phenomenon that affects nearly everyone. There are a few things you can do to improve your listening skills, such as:
- Pay attention. When you’re talking to someone, try to pay attention to more than just their words. Try to take in visual cues from their facial expressions or body language while they’re talking.
- Summarize. At the end of a conversation, try briefly summarizing the main points to make sure you clearly understood everything.
- Ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask the other person a question about something they’ve said that’s unclear. Taking a few seconds to ask them to elaborate is usually less bothersome than a potential misunderstanding down the line.
- Mind your own biases. While it’s easier said than done, try to be aware of your own biases and judgments about people when you’re talking to them.